Change 

For so long I've called LACS my second home. A place that I can feel totally myself without being criticized about what I wear, what I look like and who I talk to. Never being judged about the person I am. Acs is middle school high school,  7 years with at least half of the same people you started out with. Looking around the halls now thinking "I was never that little when I first came here, right?" So much has changed. I've done self reflections on my process of becoming who I am today, maturing as a student and as a person. Though sometimes the road you take leads you to another. My road was ACS and spending days with friends. But when I was diagnosed my road completely changed, as if I had grown up in 24 hours. My past problems seemed so petty. Before I had thought I had all the time in the world, my years became minimal. That changed how I saw everything. It changed me. 

  Being grateful to be alive changes you. Being grateful that someone you love is alive can change you. My level is different then those in school, these are wonderful people. Each student can show who they are and be part of our school curriculum, which I take pride in. But when you know you don't have forever, sitting in a seat all day feels like torture. Getting half smiles and nervous looks like they are scared to be in my presence. Students are scared that they will say the wrong thing, so they choose to say nothing at all. My rocks are no longer here. And my heart is no longer in it. I love my school, and seeing facial expressions of others through the halls reminds me of how I used to feel. But I feel different, and this journey is way more complex then it once was. Time is of the essence. And feeling uncomfortable and overwhelmed with these feelings....well, I just don't have time for that. I am so happy I was diagnosed. It makes me who I am. LACS was so special to me. A place I will always hold in my heart. I will be taking fewer classes  and carry on my studies with Carol Teelin. A former teacher who is simply an amazing woman. 

I will not struggle with trying to make this feel normal. My normal has changed. And I'm am okay with that. 

Blissful Dying